As soon as I finished reading Jenny’s blog last week, I had a feeling there was more she wanted to say. I felt like the list, while absolutely spot on, was not complete. There was one lie missing...
Lie #6 - My child’s worth and identity is based on how well I mother.
This lie could be written in another way: my worth and identity is based on who my child is and who they will become.
How is it that who our children are and who they become has become tangled up with how well we/they will perform? Why is it that we as mothers have allowed subjective awards and selections to be the measuring stick of not only our child’s worth and identity, but our very own?
This lie tells us that who our child is and who he or she becomes is reflective of me and my “performance” as a mother. The lie tells us that we as mothers get to take credit or the blame for who my child is and the what my child does (now or in the future).
Mothers, the truth is that our child’s Identity and worth are not ours to claim.
Because if I’m being honest, as a mom left to my own accord, I will fail. So, to think that my child’s worth and identity is based on how well I mother is absurd!
However, this is what we as Christian mothers can be sure of - that Christ dwelling in us makes us “perfect” mothers for the children God gave us.
My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
Perhaps the lie I’m sharing needs to be on it’s own list - “The top lie mothers buy into.” It’s not reserved only for the end of the school year, it is one that a mother hears every single year - some mothers face it every single day. Worrying about our child’s identity plagues mothers at every stage.
For a young mom, she might be dealing with having to discipline a toddler who often bites or hits other children. She worries that the other moms on the playground will think her kid is “bad”.
Mothers of school age kids might have a child who struggles with a learning disability and by academic standards this child is just not measuring up. This mom worries her child’s existence is rooted in their ability to perform at school, stacked up against their peers.
There are more severe situations such as mothers who have a grown child that suffers from mental illness or addiction. To the outside world, this child’s identity is labeled by his unhealthy or harmful behaviors.
But in each of these examples, identity cannot be synonymous with performance. The measuring stick used by the world to measure one’s value is broken.
What I’m trying to say is that your child’s worth and identity have already been claimed - your worth and identity has also already been written. The list of lies that mothers hear, whether at the end of the school year or in a new season of change can be rebuked when she remembers this:
“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” Romans 8:14-16 NIV
We no longer have to live as slaves to the lies about being a mother.
We are God’s children!
Let us rejoice in this, dear friends. Let us rest in the arms of our Abba. This letter from Paul goes on to say, “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ…”
And our children are heirs of God!
If we accept this then we inoculate ourselves to the disease of self doubt and fear we have as mothers to perform perfectly (by the world’s standards). We let go of the false hope that we determine our child’s identity and worth.
“In Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.”
Galatians 3:26 NIV
Because we are God’s children and thus His heirs, as are our kids, then we already know our merit! We know that our child’s value and identity has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him!